A rotten smell stains the air. The singular window in the room has its shutters flung wide open. The small flames from the beeswax candles flicker and an old copy of Nuwa’s Teachings lies discarded on my poorly crafted desk, pages dancing in the wind. Pain shoots through my palms and knees as I crawl on uneven stones looking for the source of the smell.
A foul odor has been present in my bedroom for a while now but it has recently gotten too strong to ignore.
I hold my breath as I feel around the dark corners of my room. I know what the smell is.
Every living thing that lingers too close to me for too long dies. Rodents must have found their way into my room and met their unfortunate doom.
Right when I’m about to gasp for air, my hand brushes against a corpse. It was hidden away in a hole behind an almost completely barren bookshelf decaying away. Swallowing the bile rising in my throat, I pick up the rotting creature, and holding it far away from my body, I walk towards the window.
Before I let it fall to the ground far below, I say a quick prayer for its soul. I then repeat the process several times until there is no longer a carcass in the hole.
When I finish, I whisper a final prayer even though I know — just like the prayers before—it would go unanswered. “Please let them be the last ones.”
I let out a heavy sigh and I immediately regret it. The odor is still present and it only allows quick, shallow breaths.
I hurry to the door and knock as loud and as quickly as I can. The door unlocks and opens, a young maid looks at me questioningly before she steps back and gags. She must have smelt the unforgiving scent through the door and was already growing sick but the full impact smell of the room must have done her in. The maid turns and scurries down the corridor while other servants watch the spectacle from a safe distance.
An older maid named Erin steps toward me and bows deeply. “My sincere apologies, Your Highness, the girl has only just recently started work on your floor and has not yet been made aware of your…um…situation.” Her wrinkled face attempts a fake sympathetic smile. “However”, she continues, “that is not an excuse to behave the way she did. I’ll make sure she is punished accordingly.”
I only nod at her words — I’m too embarrassed and unsure of my voice to speak up, to lie and say that her action had no effect and did not offend me.
Erin accepts my gesture as a response. “How may I help you, Your Highness?”
I swallow the lump in my throat, ” I would like a bath, a change of clothes, and a strong perfume,” as well as a new bedchamber — is what I want to say but I bit my lip to keep that part inside.
“Yes, Your Highness, I will be sure to arrange that right away.” I nod again. She bows and swiftly walks away. She too must be dying to get away from the stench.
“I would run far away from this room as well given the opportunity”, I say to myself as I walk away from the door.
Someone shuts and locks it quickly.
…..
The perfume bottle was too small. I wish I could be given a huge bucket or few wooden barrels filled to the brim with gardenia fragrance. I would douse this room, coat my bedsheets, and soak my body until the smell of death was hidden away with a headache-inducing amount of perfume.
Honestly, I would settle for buckets of parasite-filled river water to clean the putrid room.
My skin was clean and fresh but I will always feel filthy staying in this room. A new pair of clothes was brought to me but it wouldn’t be long until the rotten smell infects the clothing.
I sit on my broken bed and then, holding the perfume bottle to my nose, look at the dying tree outside my window. Trees grow in spring, blossom in summer, fall in autumn, then lie dormant in winter. Unfortunately, because of my curse, this one is rotting away, no longer participating in the seasons of life.
It’s my curse’s fault that those little creatures suffered such a sickening ending.
And it is all because of my curse that I am not allowed to roam outside in the fields, explore the castle, speak to my people, eat in the dining hall, and know what my mother was like.
This is what my father told me almost thirteen years ago when he locked me up in this small pitiful room.
My father, who is better known as the Great King of Yakasu, is a highly regarded man. It was a title given to him by the people of the world because of his heroic deeds during the War of Aitosukawa. Not only did he prevent this kingdom as well as ally kingdoms from invasion, but it was also he who landed the final blow to the Old Evil.
He is a great king but a horrible father.
He removed me from the world and from the people who cared about me from an early age. Then he gifted me maids and manservants who would not care if I got severely sick. When I was first brought here I would cry and beg them every day to free me, to help me, or to let me talk to my father, but the door always remain locked. I understand that none of them want trouble with my father and I would not hold that against them if only obeying my father is what they did.
In the beginning, when I would be let out to wash it wouldn’t be uncommon for a maid to ‘accidentally’ trip me and have me knock over my water bucket. Several times broken glass and rusty nails would find their way scattered on the floor just outside my door. I would then be offered dirty bandages and water to clean and wrap my wounds. They would give me only a few minutes to read in the library and all of my food was either burnt or unseasoned. It was only when I found Nuwa’s book that my life began to get better.
The book, named Nuwa’s Teachings, was written by an old princess of Yakasu who united Aitosukawa during the times of the Great Fall. She despised the weak in power and the lazy in dire situations. She encourages the reader to be proactive and headstrong and to not tolerate disrespect.
She faced so many hardships, many of them greater than my own, and she came out on top. So I snuck her book out of the library began to read in secret. I soon found my voice and would speak up when an injustice was done to me. Any rule that my father implemented could not be fought against but everything else was fair game. I would reprimand the maids and manservants would who go outside of the rules and eventually, the brazen disrespect stopped. I was finally being addressed as ‘Your Highness’ or ‘My Lady’ and my title as the princess of Yakasu felt like it meant something, not a lot, but something.
But that little something was not enough to stop my tears at night. When my father first brought me here he said that it was for my own good. He gave me a hug and as I cried into his arms he whispered in my ear that I must keep my curse a secret. No one could know that the Great Hero Daughter slowly steals the life out of all those near.
That’s why I’m hidden away. Not to keep his people safe from me but keep his perfectly crafted reputation untainted.
On the contrary, it seems my reputation is far from esteem. Through the whispers of my corridor maids, I have heard the rumors spread about me. Some have said that I am a witch and that I practice dark magic with living creatures. Others say I have a sensitive stomach and I let my food go to rot. I have even heard the impossible conspiracy theory that I’m an assassin for the kingdom and I keep bodies in my room if I hadn’t found the time to dispose of them properly! None are true, however, they are far better than the truth.
I could only imagine the reaction that they would have if they knew. They would be petrified as they recall all the harm they used to do to me.
I continue to sniff the gardenia fragrance making me grow faint, my head fuzzy. I do not care, for the funk of the room is so much worse than this feeling. For years I have had to deal with the stench of the dead but for some reason today was different.
My body begins to sway and my vision gets blurry but before darkness could take me, a knock comes on my door.
With wobbly legs I instantly stand up, blackspots dotting my eyes. It’s not time for a meal nor have I ordered anything else so there should be no one knocking.
The door unlocks without my approval and the King of Yakasu enters my room. Warning bells begin to chime in my head.
He towers over me and his eyes, which used to be filled with warmth and gave me comfort, were instead filled with disgust and as blue as the scales of a northern ice dragon. With a gloved hand, he holds a cloth over his lower face. He knew there would be a smell in my room.
“Father I-” I try to speak but every time I look at him all the words I wish to say are nowhere to be found. The speech I practiced and the attitude I had trained myself to have is nonexistent. I lower my head. Nuwa would be disappointed.
“It is pathetic to think about how you are my child, how you are your mother’s child.”
Tears start to form in my eyes. I balled my hands into fists to keep them from shaking.
“You’re a waste of noble blood.” He digs deeper. He rarely visits me, and rarely speaks to me, but somehow he still knows me and all of my insecurities. “A worthless parasite.”
A sob escapes my mouth while a cough escapes his. The tears now flow freely down my face.
“However,” my head lifts quickly and I look at him, knowing my eyes give away how hurt and broken I truly am, “no longer will you be a burden to me”, my eyes widen, “for you are engaged to a rich and powerful king. Your marriage to Erix of Shinan will be official tomorrow.”
He goes quiet for a moment waiting for a response. I cannot give him one for I am too wrapped up in my thoughts.
Am I dreaming? Have I inhaled too much of that perfume? Did it put me in a deep slumber? Engaged? I must be dreaming! I must be!
No, I just misheard my father’s words.
“King Erix has already arrived for the wedding.” So I did hear him correctly. My heart begins to flutter and I wipe the tears from my eyes. My father lets out another cough then inhales sharply and says, “early tomorrow morning you will be moved to a new chamber.” His cold eyes look around my room with distaste, “where you will be bathed thoroughly and dressed for the ceremony.” My heart is racing. “After the vow exchange and reception you will be escorted to your marital chambers.”
A strong blush rushes to my face. Our marital chambers? ” The following day,” he continued, “you will be taken to the kingdom of Shinan and be the problem of another man.” And without giving me a chance to ask not a single question, he leaves abruptly, the door slamming shut and locking behind him.
I plop myself onto the bed overcome with emotions from what I just heard. I’m getting married? I’m leaving Yakasu? A life that I, up until this moment, believed could never be mine will be mine tomorrow. I look towards the window and out to the world beyond. The sun was setting. Soon night will come then morning —and a chance of freedom.
Or further imprisonment. What would King Erix do if he found out about me? About the curse. Will he lock me away, far away in fear of dying a horrible death? Will he just be another version of my father and his castle another iron-chained casket?
I hold the fragrance back up to my nose and inhale deeply. This will knock me out quickly as well as give me a headache in the morning though a medicinal tea will fix that side effect. Tomorrow my life will change. For better or for worse I don’t know, but it will change.
Anarchism and Other Essays