I haven’t kissed a lot of guys in my life. My first kiss was at fifteen, with some stupid frat boy that I agreed to dance with at my school dance. It wasn’t bad. He was a rough kisser, and our movement was a little awkward, but it was a nice kiss nonetheless.
But Jackson…Jackson is an amazing kisser.
The way his mouth moves against mine makes me forget where I am. It makes me forget what he told me moments ago. It makes me forget that I’m even standing, which isn’t a good thing, but as our kiss deepens, Jackson’s arms go from my face to my waist. He holds me tightly against him, like the day Helene died, with equal desperation. He kisses me like he’s addicted…or maybe I’m the one with the addiction.
He didn’t push me past a kiss and pulled away when I started to get out of breath. How he realized that, I have no idea, but I’m guessing it was because of how tightly I was clutching his shirt.
There was a small smacking sound when our lips pulled away from one another, like the wind between us was so caught up in the embrace that it wasn’t ready to say goodbye just yet.
“Woah…” I breathlessly whisper. I allow a few seconds to pass, just to let the ghost of his lips leave me, then freeze, my words of exclamation dawning on me like a cool wave. “I, um, I mean…that wasn’t supposed to be that loud…”
Jackson’s silent. When I look up at him he’s looking at me so intensely that it looks like he’s praying. I can’t gauge any of his reactions – it’s too dark to even see his face, and that makes me nervous. I know he kissed me, but I have no idea what he’s feeling or what he’s thinking about it. Would he do it again?
“Jackson?” I try not to sound frightened. “Why…aren’t you saying anything?”
To my displeasure, he remains quiet. I know he’s looking at me, but I’m not sure what exactly is on me that he’s studying. My reaction? My mouth? I know that I’m certainly looking at his mouth. Despite my mothering mind scolding me, my heart pumps madly. I want to feel his kiss again – badly.
I guess…he didn’t like it? My stomach drops at the thought. I’ve had guys vocally express their disgust at kissing me, and I used to hate it. I used to wish that they would just remain quiet, but now that Jackson isn’t saying anything, I find myself wishing that he’d speak. It makes me force myself to admit that his voice is comforting, and the silence around us rings in my ears, like alarms.
“Um…” I have nothing else to say. I let go of Jackson’s bunched-up shirt and take a step back, but his arms around my waist tighten impulsively and I yelp. “Jackson!”
“You’re leaving already?” His teasing tone tickles me, and the rasp in his voice from the lack of air he received during our kiss excites me (and my tummy). “Don’t you want more?”
“I…want to talk,” I say, even though I really want him to kiss me again. The necklace slips against my sweaty palm, and when I step back again, Jackson lets me.
“I want some answers,” he says, still smiling. “Who brought you here? Did you see them?”
“Apart from bumping into Adonis? I didn’t see anyone,” I say, then pause. “Well, I did see the patrol wolves, but I don’t think it was them.” I frown. “See, it’s times like these that I miss my wolf. Being able to catch a scent would really be helpful right now.”
“That’s okay,” Jackson assures me. “I’ll ask Adonis. Maybe he caught the scent when you guys bumped into each other.”
“Probably,” I agree. “But, um, there’s something else I want to bring up…”
Jackson’s eyebrow raises. “Apart from the whole wolf-chasing and kiss?” He tilts his head to the side. His eyes haze over, and there’s a tense pause, then he smirks. His eyes clear up. “You don’t have to say it back, Anvi. I know that you aren’t ready.”
“What?” I completely disregard the fact that he knows what I’m talking about, even though my subconscious whispers that he just read my mind. “Then why the heck would you say it? I’m already in an emotional tornado, Jackson, you don’t need to make it worse!” My heart flares angrily, and I take a deep breath to try and calm down. Jackson watches me silently. “I was going to say something else…what was I going to say?” I scowl. “Thanks a lot, now I forgot what I was going to say.”
“Look, Anvi, you don’t have to feel obligated to say I love you back,” Jackson says. “I said it because I was ready. I apologize if I disregarded your feelings, that wasn’t my intention. I just…” his cheeks darken. “I got caught in the moment, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I want you to take your time, but I also want you to know that…no matter what…my feelings for you are real, and there. They aren’t…” he glances at the necklace. “They aren’t going to change.”
I sigh. “I get it…I understand,” I say wearily. “I’m sorry for getting upset. I just…” I swallow hard. “I haven’t heard anybody tell me…I love you…in years…not since my parents died.”
“Anvi…” Jackson begins to speak.
“No, can I speak?” I ask. My chest shakes as it rises with my inhale, and Jackson nods.
“Thank you,” I murmur. Closing my eyes, I think about the day. I picture my parents, screaming. I picture my face, astonished, as they tossed me down the steps. I picture the firefighters dragging me out of the burning building. One of them slapped me to get me to stop moving.
“Anvi…” Jackson begins, then stops himself.
I open my eyes, and the collar of my nightgown feels damp. My cheeks are wet.
“Oh, sorry,” I wipe my eyes and try to smile. “I guess I got too deep in that memory.”
“It’s okay.” Jackson hesitates, then his arms wrap around me and my ear is right against his thumping, steady heart. “Take your time.”
I nod. My stomach trembles. “I’m fine,” I say. I clench my jaw. “I’m okay.”
“Hm,” Jackson strokes my hair, like my mom used to, with his fingers acting like the teeth of a comb.
I huff. Here goes nothing, I think. “This isn’t a long story, so it’s not that big of a deal,” I say, trying to keep my eyes anywhere except on him. “The necklace that Oscar gave me was my mother’s. She died in a fire with my dad – a gas leak. They pushed me out of the house right before it exploded.” My eyes begin to water. “My pack disbanded shortly after. I don’t know what happened to any of them, or where they went.”
“Hm,” Jackson hums again.
“Hm? That’s it?” I pull away from him to look at his face. He smiles sadly and I try to ignore that pitying feeling that builds up inside of me. “I thought that you’d have more to say?”
“I have a lot to say,” Jackson agrees. “But now is not the right time to say any of what’s on my mind. What happened to you is horrible, but you have my support no matter what, you know that, right?”
My heart prickles. “I do now,” I say, averting my gaze to the ground so that he can’t see my wide smile. The locket burns in my hand, and for a brief moment I wonder if there’s a picture inside.
Then, I remember
I remember the beautiful young woman in the photo that Adonis showed me. The stunning girl beside Jackson, looking so happy and in love, and just like me. My soaring happiness falters.
“Let’s lay down in the field for a little while before we head back to bed,” Jackson says suddenly. He kisses my forehead. “It’s not a far walk.”
I nod numbly and allow him to lead me to the wide dandelion field. We lay by the large oak tree together, side by side, my hand enveloped securely in his, but my heart erupting from my ribcage like a madman. Jackson’s words echo in my mind: I love you. He said it, but does he truly mean it? I mean, he says that he means it, but the girl…the photograph looked so recent…
“You know, she used to love this field,” Jackson murmurs. He picks up a dandelion and tucks it behind my ear, tracing his fingers along my soft jaw. Despite my doubt, my cheeks heat up and warmth wraps eagerly around my stomach, and I wish I could just retract my head into the collar of my shirt like a turtle, but alas, I cannot.
“Who?” I question pathetically, my tongue a bit heavy from the package of emotions that’s been piling up in my heart.
“Sara,” Jackson replies. He turns his head to look at me, and he squeezes my hand. “I planted it for her, you know? Took me all day too.” He laughs bitterly, and it’s then that it clicks in my head that he’s talking about the girl from the photo, his old mate. “Yeah, I loved her, you know? We were mates…we were so young, god, probably teenagers. She was supposed to be my forever…then she died.”
Even though I feel a bit jealous, I can’t help but feel sorry for both Sara and Jackson. Propping myself up on my elbows, I bite my lip, hesitating to speak.
“You really loved her, and I’m sure that you did your best to keep her safe,” I say, feeding him empty comfort words despite knowing how much they sting. That’s all I can think of to say.
“I failed, Anvi,” Jackson says. He grabs my wrist and pulls me back down onto the grass, and my head finds itself on his chest, listening to the rhythmic pumping of his heart once again. “I failed my duty as a mate. I lost her because I was young and naïve and stupid and I couldn’t protect her.” With every word, his arms around me tightens. “June and Cannon have despised me ever since. Hell, Cannon even tried to kill me, once.” Once again, he laughs, a pitiful, regret-filled, laugh. “I didn’t demote them, though. They had lost their daughter, and they rightfully blamed me. I owed them more, but that was the least that I could do.” His thumb strokes my pulse, like the only thing that’s keeping him grounded is the unstable beating of my heart.
“They have no right to blame you, and you have no right to blame yourself,” I say. “What happened is awful, but if you were both still teenagers, then Sara should have been protected by her parents, not you.”
Jackson sighs. “They didn’t see it that way, and they still don’t,” he says. “Perhaps I don’t either. I’ve come to terms with her death by now, Anvi, but I think that there will always be a part of me that blames myself for being unable to keep her alive and safe. It’s why…” his voice chokes. “It’s why I got so scared when you weren’t next to me tonight. I thought – and Moon Goddess forbid – that something had happened to you.” He kisses my pulse and his eyes close. “I love you, Anvi. I really, really, really love you, and if anything happened to you, I truly would never forgive myself.”
“I would want you to forgive yourself,” I counter. “And, well, I can’t speak for Sara, but I’m sure she’d want you to forgive yourself too. If she truly loved you, Jackson – and I’m not saying that she didn’t – but if she truly loved you, she’d want you to be happy.” I squeeze his hand. “Just like I’d want you to be happy if I died and you got another mate-!”
“No, not again,” Jackson stands abruptly. “I don’t want another mate, Anvi. What happened with Sara, happened. I learned from my mistakes. I loved her, yes, and there will always be a part of me that cares about her, but I love you. I only want you, Anvi, not anybody else. And if the Moon Goddess wants to be cruel and take you too – which, I assure you, she’ll have to kill me to do – then I don’t want another mate.” He shakes his head. “No,” he says again. “Not another one.”
Sad as it is, I can understand his denial, I say, expecting my wolf to speak back to me, then curse myself for forgetting again that she’s no longer with me. Dang it, that’s not helping.
“How did you know that I knew about Sara?” I ask instead, standing up. The flower tilts, and Jackson cups my face to fix it.
“I went to the attic to get some old files,” he explains. “And I saw that Sara’s picture was gone from her file.”
I frown. “So, wait, how did you know that I had it, then? And why is her file in the attic?”
“She’s dead, Anvi,” Jackson says. “I don’t need to keep her file in my office anymore because there’s no need for it. As for how I knew, well…” he laughs sheepishly. “I was looking at the new book you got from the library and I saw you were using the picture as a bookmark.”
My cheeks flame. “I…am so sorry,” I mumble. “I…I didn’t mean to disrespect her…it was the first thing there and I grabbed it and I didn’t even notice it-!”
“Hey,” Jackson puts his hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay, Anvi, relax. You aren’t disrespecting anyone, I promise.”
I bite my lip. “Not Sara?”
He laughs. “No, not Sara. She never really cared for all the pomp and status that came with being Luna Queen.” He stops. “You know, if she were alive, I think that you both would have been very good friends.”
I laugh shyly. “I think I would have liked to be her friend,” I say.
Jackson smiles down at me. “Yeah…” he murmurs. His words trail off as he bends down again, pressing a sweet kiss to my lips. “But Sara is my past. You’re my future” Again, another kiss. “And I love you.”
“You’re my future too,” I whisper. “And…I’m not quite ready to say it back…I have to understand again how to love…but I care about you, Jackson. I care about you a lot.”
Jackson smiles. “I’m glad,” he says. His hands cup my face, bringing it up closer to his as our kisses go from slow and sensual to fast and a little desperate. “I won’t let anything happen to you, Anvi. I won’t fail again.”
“I know,” I murmur, rising to my tiptoes as my lips smash against his. “I know, I know, I know…”
We kiss again, and again, and again, our lips moving fervently against each other like we’re both drunk on the sensation, but then Jackson suddenly stops.
“Jackson?” Breathless, I grip his shirt tightly, having to lean on him to stabilize myself. “What is it?”
“That smell…” Jackson sniffs the air and his eyes begin to glow. A low growl rips from his throat. “Blood!”
“What?” I exclaim, but I don’t have any time to ask any questions before Jackson shifts and races into the woods. “Jackson!”
I race after him, trying to keep up with his speedy pace in my nightgown. He’s a fast runner, that’s for sure, and once again, I wish that I had my wolf to be able to match his pace.
We run close to the human/werewolf boundary line, stopping just at the border. I’m going so fast that I almost run past the line, but Jackson’s outstretched arm stops me.
“Oof!” I grunt, gripping his arm. “Thanks, I-!”
My mouth comes to an abrupt halt when my gaze slides past the scene, the bolts back to the picture, doing a double-take. The scene before me is so grotesque, so utterly bloody, that my food from the night before crawls up my throat like maggots and they pool in my mouth. I try not to gag, and I want to turn away, but I can’t. Something holds my gaze on the massacre in front of me, ordering me to stay still.
“No…” I whisper. “No…no…no!” My voice chokes up and water pools in my eyes. I lunge to go to them, but Jackson grabs me and pulls me against him. No, Jackson, no! Not again!” I cry, or maybe scream, I’m not sure. Everything is numb – a ringing numbness, and I can only think of one thing as Jackson mind-links for backup, holding me safely against his side.
Han-Seok and Hanako, my fighting partner and his mate, lay on the ground. They were beaten, they were bloody, and they were sleeping.
They were dead.
~***~
Hey guys!
What did you think? We found out more about Jackson’s mate and Anvi told Jackson about her past, but now Han-Seok and Hanako have been murdered! Who killed them? And why specifically Han-Seok and Hanako? Let me know what you thought of this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed!!
